Du blutest nicht genug für mich (ieatedyourcooki) wrote in phobia_support,
Du blutest nicht genug für mich


I'm scared of mirrors. Well, reflections. I suffered a panic attack the other night and managed to post after it was all over. Some crossposting for you:
i've been hiding it pretty decently... I suppose, but if you look back to an older post, it was a chatlog where i talked about being neurotic...
This is nothing new. That's the worst part.
I LOVE creepypasta. I love it so intensely that I check up on it AT NIGHT for full effect. MANY things don't scare me.
The one thing that does?
I hate mirrors. I've always been afraid of them. When I was little (6-8ish), I turned my desk mirror upside down (so it faced away, it was one of those swivel things) because I was afraid someone would write me a message in Lipstick. It hasn't gotten much better since then. This past weekend, my mirror actually fell down on me as I was looking through my hamper (which at my mom;'s house serves as a makeup stand). I caught it. But I wouldn't put it back up.
I'm scared of reflective surfaces. My laptop? Right now I refuse to look at dark websites because my eyes can shift focus and see my reflection. I fear my reflection will move in manners dissimilar to my own. I fear that if I hold up a random object, the reflection will not have a matching one. That it will smile at me and reveal a mouth full of rows and rows of sharp bloodied teeth, razor sharp and pearly grey. I fear that it's eyes will be yellow and it will grin far wider than I know my mouth allows. I fear that it's hair will react in a way mine never can, and to have form and movement of it's own. I fear that the whole mirror will go dark except for it. And it will look at me, and grab me... and I fear what is on the other side.
My mom doesn't know. My roommate didn't know until tonight.
I had a panic attack. I talked to someone
</a>  for help. I talked to a friend. I called my friend Ben to stay with me in my room until my roommate came so she can help me put paper on my side of the mirror. (i've moved my bed and can now see myself while I'm laying down). I attempted to learn about this silly phobia of mine. (ever go into the bathroom with me? Watch me watch my reflection. I promise this is no lie)
So I try to find a name. I do.
I did. Catoptrophobia. (also, apparently it's common?)
And I wanted to get rid of this fear. I know it's stupid. I even know it's irrational.
And then some dumb fuck, 5 pages down, where I think I am getting help...
I >>
clicked<< it, and immediately flipped my laptop over and hid under the covers until ben got here to help me stop shaking.

Side note: My roommate realized all the signs immediately after I told her. The blinds in our room are always down unless the windows are open. I sleep with the lights on. (do you know how scary that would be? A SELF ILLUMINATING MIRROR? No lights... just... from the other side...)

For those who follow my twitter: yes, I did happen to watch mirrors. I actually found that movie to be really odd. As stupid as my fear sounds, the ending was so unscary that all the silly demon possessing and fire and such was nothing. If the other side of a mirror is only that... I have no fear of that. I can read reverse. I am fine. I fear that it is, however much worse in reality.

But mirrors are just glass with a painted back! I know... Trust me, I know it sounds silly. But I can't help the panic attacks and near bed-wetting.
I'm too old to be scared of this.

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